Today

Today was a day for sitting in the sun and daydreaming about what the garden will look like when it is tidy. It was a day for remembering that a year ago the word Lockdown meant something we practised in school when the bell gave 3 short rings, just in case an intruder got onto the school site- it was the worst thing we could imagine happening to our children back then. It is a day for remembering that a year ago tomorrow it all changed. It was a day for realising we have got through a very strange, challenging year – one that made us see with sharp clarity what is important to us. We have lived with a constant niggling fear for months, and a feeling of sadness and loss for all the time we have had to stay indoors. We have followed blindly the advice given to us, and given up things we would have loved to do. It was a day for thinking about how things can change, just like that, despite all the plans and scaffolding you put in your life. Today was a day for being grateful that we are (hopefully) almost out the other side. I think the sun helped, but today certainly felt like the beginning of something new.

The village where I live is turning itself blue tomorrow, to say thank you to the NHS and Keyworkers, the Water Tower that can be seen for miles will be lit blue in solidarity, our school children are going to school in a rainbow of colours. It seems strange to be acknowledging the anniversary of the start of lockdown- the year has gone very quickly.

And we are back…

A much less emotional post this time- just relief that we are all back in school (well almost, my son goes back tomorrow). The children in school were delighted. They came back in with varied experiences of home learning, for some it is noticeable that they did very little of the set work, for others the settling back into school routines is a bit tricky. But, as in September, it is not as bad as we thought it would be. Children are resilient. I want someone, somewhere to say to them all “Well Done, you’ve been amazing.”

Getting through the days.

I can not remember a time when I have so willed a half-term to be over. I think I have had enough of all this!

I have achieved several things these holidays, lots of needlefelting, lots of walks, started a new crochet project, had a 16 year olds birthday, and yet the days have dragged. Today is Saturday the first day with any promise of sun, it is already half way through and I am delighted, willing the hours to speed by until bedtime. My son and I have walked to the Triangle to get ingredients for his Scouts zoom meeting and to go to the bakers, I am now just sitting waiting for enough time to pass so I can start cooking lunch. I am fed up with this lockdown.

The fractured nights sleep doesn’t help- all the thoughts that only occur at 2-am rushed into my head- are we doing right by the children, is it healthy to let them watch youtube all day, should we do more family things, why do we have so much stuff, why isn’t all the work done from the extension, why haven’t we painted the kitchen. what are we going to do with the pinball machine….. and so on. All the small things- if they were big things I would have thought about them at a sensible time. So today I am tired and waiting for the day to be over whilst berating myself for wasting time. Sometimes I just need to be nicer to myself.

We are all back to our remote ‘school’ on Monday and waiting for Boris’ announcement about schools- which has supposedly already been leaked and supposedly already been opposed by the unions. I will happily risk a spike in cases for the children to be able to be back at school. I know that going on about mental health sometimes makes mental health worse, but honestly, why wouldn’t we want to let children go back as soon as possible, can’t we see the effects? The rise in more serious covid cases in children maybe might be linked to them being penned up for the last 11 months?? The good news is that the vaccine has- amazingly- reached the groups they were aiming for, let’s get the children back. Please.

I have been very wrapped up in all the things we can’t do in the lockdown, without realising how much more freedom the adults have had than the children. We have only our internal sense of law to govern us- I justified a 20 minute to drive for daily exercise for us all- they do not have the choice or the authority to decide on things like this. My husband has been in the office 2 days a week, I have been at school 4 days a week and supermarket shopping weekly, my children have gone nowhere they could not get to by walking from home- except for the one walk on Thursday where my son met a school friend and they walked and chatted for an hour,( my daughter has done the same- once- whilst I went shopping near the friends house).They have not complained, or questioned and they have done this with no idea as to when it will end or what the end will look like. Let’s get them all back on the 8th March and lets stand on the doorstep and clap them, the 10 million school children who have helped save the NHS.

Today is a good day…

The first day of half-term, husband gone to work in the office and we are at home, just relaxing. There is something to be said for not being able to go anywhere, it makes things slow done a bit. A normal half-term would make me feel we have to go somewhere and going somewhere means being out by 10am which means hectic and grumpy breakfasts and grumpy children taken somewhere they might not have liked to go……although in normal times we would probably have gone to town and had coffee, not too onerous really. It is 10 30, both children up and dressed. Daughter is making a paper mache pig mask whilst watching you tube, son is possibly just lying on his back staring into space. He is the one most affected by this whole thing.

But today is a good day because it feels like that we are nearing the end of this crazy time. Maybe I am a bit too optimistic, but right now things are looking positive. The amazing news is that the 4 main groups- the very old and the very vunerable have all been vaccinated with their first jab- the expectation now is that there will soon be less people going into hospital and society can start to reopen. We need to remember we are in lockdown so the NHS don’t get overwhelmed.

Today is a good day because, whatever else might happen, both my children have done the longest and most intense half term of remote learning they will probably need to do. The term was 6 and half weeks long- even if they don’t go back on the 8th March the next half term is only 6 weeks long. They have taught themselves amazingly- I can honestly say I have not done a thing and yet they have been to every lesson (I think) and spent most afternoons doing something useful- my daughter is a mean touch typist now. It could have been a gruelling 6 and a half weeks for them, they have been nowhere except for walks around the local area and an occasional car ride. We forget this don’t we- that they have had no say in this and have been much more restricted than the adults. Part of me thinks I have been teaching them compliance to the law, part of me cries inside that this past year has so restricted them. The main part of me is amazed that they have just got on and done what they needed to do- no complaints, no questions, no avoidance. Amazing.

Today I can look out of the window, after the rain has stopped and see Spring starting to arrive. We have had a small patch of primroses for months- but now we have daffodils and crocuses (crocuii?) and even more bulbs springing up. The bird feeders are teaming with birds (mainly sparrows) and ever so slowly leaf buds are appearing on the dormant hawthorns and sycamore. Things will look better in the Spring.

And so I sit here and type, considering where my daily exercise will take me today and hoping my son will come with me. Yesterday we walked through gently iced woods. It took twice as long as he kept stopping to play with the ice or marvel at the way the ice crystals had formed. I forget, that underneath all the maturity he has shown by getting up each day and doing his lessons, by obeying the rules, by just being himself, he is still a child and still craves novelty. Hmm, today is a good day because we are one step closer to being able to let our children start doing all the things they should be able to.

Almost there!

So here we are, one week away from half term. And we are going to make it. Tamsin has a Sixth Form Experience day today, Peter is basking in the afterglow of a good parent’s evening. Covid parent’s evenings are great- all appointments done in 35 minutes without leaving the comfort of our own home. This is definetely something to be continued. Of course there were still the complaints from parents about appointments not being long enough and there weren’t really enough appointments- we were only allowed to choose 7, but as parent’s evenings go this was one of the best.

I have no idea if my children are thriving in lockdown but we are surviving and surviving well. I know they have too much screen time – and yet they don’t seem to mind- they even choose to stay on screens in breaktime. It is silly isn’t it, all this worry that they will be come hardwired to need screens. They didn’t need them constantly pre-covid, they were on them constantly in Lockdown 1, then they went back to school for a term and managed without constant screens, now in Lockdown 3 they are back on them again. When they return I think they will be ok, they adapt, maybe better than us.

The other effects are possibly less easy to shrug off. Teenagers should not be in the house all the time, just allowed out for a daily walk! They should be going more than a mile from their home, they should be able to be go and see friends and get dragged out on family walks with only the promise of a hot chocolate to cheer them up. Who knows what a reclusive generation we are raising. I think this must also apply to adults. I had a dream about going to the cinema last night- it was like a nightmare, so much to worry about. When we were allowed out in the summer I was not too keen on going out.

So we sit tight and wait. Week after next is halfterm, it is my daughter’s 16th birthday- we will be banned from the lounge while she watches a film with friends remotely. Somewhere in that week we might drive to a place and exercise, and wander round with apprehension and watchful eyes in case anyone gets too close.

We are nearly there ( I am of course ignoring the fact there is at least 2 more weeks of this after half term- I am not expecting son to go back this term.) and it will all be OK.

Stay home, keep others safe. x

A Little Bit of Balance

Hopefully this will be a more balanced post than last time- I will try and control the anger I am feeling about the whole situation. These posts focus a lot on my children and the effect this is having on them – that is where my world begins and ends- not in any gushing, my children are my whole world, type thing, but just because I’m a parent, that’s what we do.

My home-schooling issues – and actually I am going to change that to remote learning issues- aren’t about getting my two to do the school work, from what I can see they are happy to do that. Both schools have provided a morning’s worth of work everyday. They sit and read it, or listen to the teachers or watch the lessons- they do the work that is set. But there is no enjoyment or real engagement in it for them. I don’t home-school them for there is nothing for me to do- I think I am more of a hinderance than a help when I am home. They seem to be doing their remote learning perfectly ok, I sometimes cast my eye over what they have done, it seems ok, I suggest they do more- they look at me blankly.

My remote learning issues are the lack of engagement and joy they seem to have. School now seems to be something to get through- ( they both used to enjoy (or at least not hate) school before). For my daughter everything she is being set now is revision for some hypothetical exams, she has a very good memory and I think she would have revised a little bit for proper GCSEs and done pretty well. I am sure she (and the teachers) will run out of things to revise soon. My son is just easily distracted by phone and apps. The phone has to be available as when they have to do group work, or aren’t sure on something it is a quick and easy way to check with class mates. To take it away disadvantages him- this I found out in the first lockdown. Excuses- maybe- for me not introducing a rule that I can’t police as I am only here one morning out of 5.

So I am not sure I can do much about their engagement in lessons as I am at work. I have decided I need to change my viewpoint on this all. In an ideal world my children would be focussed and working steadily in every lesson, not looking at phones or listening to music. They would rise from their desks every break time and jog gently around the garden pausing only to rescue tiny baby birds fallen from their nests. In the afternoons they would engage in independent learning of such depth and breadth that I would store their work in the loft and they will use it as the basis of their PhD thesis’.

Hmm, so lets look at what they are doing- they are up and ready for school in time each morning. They are attending every lesson and completing the work. They are going for a walk every day. They are working in the same room and chatting and helping each other. We are eating a hot meal at the table together each day. We are chatting to and laughing with each other. They are obeying the lockdown rules, there have been no tears (yet), they have not complained. They are becoming brilliant builders on minecraft and experts on teams and excel and word and powerpoint.

We are surviving and this is not forever. If they ever read this I hope they realise- and remember that they were pretty good really!

There! a much less angry post…. x

Stay safe and stay home.

A different kind of Groundhog Day

So here we are, back to remote learning, staring at screens for hours a day and in quiet bits of lessons watching a you tube video. All the bad habits that were let slip in the last few weeks of June and July 2020 are already firmly entrenched in January 2021. I have had to tell my two children not to eat lunch and snack at the computer and to get up and move at break and lunchtime, not to have minecraft and you tube open when it is lesson time.

They are fine, they are working and engaging in lessons. It is just so, so sad this had to happen again.

There are mixed feelings at school about the amount of children we have in school There are a lot of critical key workers who are working from home. But they have to work, I am not sure teachers are best placed to judge how involved a lap top work from home job actually is. We have just under a third of our children in our school of the three Y5/6 classes. This is definitely more than in the first lockdown where we had maximum of 20 children in the whole school. It is a difficult balancing act. There is little doubt that the children in school are getting a more structured, better resourced day. They are getting help from a trained adult when they need it, they don’t have to share technology with brothers and sisters. Again, more unfairness.

Hmm, so our life at home is going ok. Children up before I leave for work, working until lunchtime on timetabled lessons and then ‘something constructive’ in the afternoons. I just feel so sad for them. It drives me crazy that people are still breaking lock down and shielding guidelines yet my children are only allowed to leave the house once a day.

Everyone’s feelings have changed so much since the first lockdown- acceptance has become irritation and anger. The warm fuzzy feeling of staying at home to let someone’s great granny stay alive has become annoyance when the great granny nips to the shop for a pint of milk. I am not sure how my children’s generation will grow up- (they are Gen Z according to my daughter), my son has already decided the old ones we are protecting may have had enough life already. If the first lockdown made us kinder, this one is making us crueller.

But there is little we can do about all this, we are all adjusting to the life we will live for the next few weeks. Amazing feats are being carried out, people are being vaccinated at an incredible rate, and as soon as enough are protected we can go out again and the children can go back to school. Never, ever let it be said that Gen Z are selfish, they are making a huge sacrifice- maybe without even knowing it- limiting their futures so that we can keep more people alive; maybe they also deserve some acknowledgement.

Christmas with a Lagom twist

So after complaining about the boredom of this few days I am writing this entry in a unveiled attempt to get a few more hits. Hopefully, I will get a few of the new batch of IKEA livelagom participants who are looking for some inspiration- or I will if I remember to get put the right tags on.

So here goes- a brief background about me- I was a participant in IKEA livelagom in Year 2- this was a long time ago, either 3 or 4 years. Since then we have extended the house, my children have both moved to secondary school and we have got two kittens. Those basically are the big changes in our lives since we started the lagom project. The lagom project for us was all about little changes- several of them are documented in the this blog. I thought I would use this entry just to highlight the things we did for Christmas this year that I am particularly proud (smug) about.

So here goes….

Christmas lagom win no 1: Smaller amount of stocking presents for the children. I usually buy too much: random bits of stationery, silly toys or craft kits they haven’t yet used. This year every present was thought out- result less trash. less waste, less money spent. Part of this was because I had to self-isolate the week before Christmas so didn’t panic buy tat, but I’ll take it as a win.

Christmas lagom win 2: All stocking presents and family presents were wrapped in pre-used wrapping paper- some of which still had last years sellotape on so I just slid the present inside and taped the top.

Christmas lagom win 3: No new cards or wrapping paper bought this year- I used up the ones we had left from previous years.

Christmas lagom win 4: Oddbox veg delivery. This is something I have recently started having delivered. Every two weeks we get a veg box from oddbox.co.uk who rescue surplus and odd shaped veg and put it in veg boxes.

Christmas lagom win 5: Wooden crackers. Very smug about these- made by my husband from the branches of the sycamore tree in our front garden. Filled and decorated with the things we had saved from crackers over the years. I think they might have sparked slightly less joy than normal crackers, they only make a small pop, no smell of gunpowder smoke and there is no strength needed to pull them, but they look pretty cool.

Place mats kept from last year, table decorations from the muddy woods made by my daughter, washable table napkins and table cloths, wind-up santa kept from previous years cracker, place names pyrographed by husband. Yep, overflowing with lagom smugness.

So however your Christmas went, and however far you are on your lagom journey just be aware that making small changes to make your life more sustainable is incredibly easy and also incredibly addictive. 3 or 4 years on and I’m still finding little things I can change in my life to help find the right balance for me.

Groundhog Day.

I bet there are several blogs starting with a similar title. We watched the Groundhog Day movie (or a bit of it, before Christmas) which sparked one of those conversations- did ‘Groundhog Day’ mean the same thing before the movie as it did after. The question now should be, ” Can I replace Groundhog Day for Twixmas 2020 in Tier 4?”

My son asked what Groundhog Day meant, and I used Lockdown 1 as an example, I think I was wrong, at least in March and April we still had school work and work work to do, the weather was better, the woods were dry and there was a greater feeling of ‘we are all in this together’, people were trying hard to stick to the rules. Tier 4 – incase you were wondering is very, very much like full lockdown- except we can have unlimited exercise. We are only allowed to meet one other person outside, non-essential shops are shut and we must stay local. We have been told to ‘Stay at Home’ – if you look on the top of the track and trace app where it tells you the Tier and the risk attached ours is ‘Stay At Home’. Scary huh?

It is a horrible time of year to have to stay local- our woods are very muddy, a mixture of rain, ground water and lots of people walking through them. They are always like this over Christmas- last Christmas my brother in law wrecked his shoes on a Christmas Day walk (he had been warned, he ignored my advice to bring old shoes), a few years ago we dragged our friends through knee deep mud on a short after dinner walk, I think I have even made my parents traipse through muddy puddles and footpaths for some fresh air. So we are stuck to walking on pavements and short cuts through housing estates. We could travel to the river- it is only a ten minute car journey but that is now in flood after the Boxing Day storm and heavy rain a couple of days before. So here we are, restricted to the local area and landlocked.. Each day is much like yesterday, wake up, cook some meals, try and entice the teenagers to do something constructive, go to bed, wake up….

The title of this piece was going to be ‘We are the lucky ones, you and I’, something I heard the other day and that I have had in my head every time I bump into friends on my daily walk. And we are the lucky ones, Christmas hasn’t been how I imagined, but it went well and we are still all here, happy, healthy and ,my biggest worry right now is muddy woods and living too far away from where I would like to swim.

We are the lucky ones- the bored – but lucky ones, don’t let me forget that. x

School

Well it’s been a while, most of this winter term has passed and I haven’t typed anything. I am not sure what to type about, so much of this life now just seems mundane and ordinary.

We are back in school, and the table spraying and wiping at least 3 or 4 times a day is now just normal. The staggered starts and the half empty playground actually lead to a much calmer school life, and the clean tables seem to have reduced the instances of cold and tummy bugs across the school. Adults wear masks in the corridor and the children now no longer question it. The children themselves are fairly good at remembering to wash or sanitise hands. It is all just a new way of life, but I think we have quickly forgotten the old one.

There is some acknowledgement that we lost a term of schooling; the end of KS1, KS2 and KS4 exams have changed, some have been dropped, some are promised to be easier. No one quite knows what it will look like yet. The schools are open but we are no longer teaching in the best way we know- children are all facing the front, any group work has to be done by children all facing forward, in their seats. It feels like the olden days of school. The necessity of fresh air makes it feel even more like olden school days. The windows and doors are open, children and staff are wearing layers and layers of clothes. My teacher today said she was too cold to think. This is something I will not miss! Never again will we complain about how cold the classrooms were, because at least we had windows closed and heating on (the heaters are fan heaters so can only be used sparingly). It has been a long term, just two weeks to go.

The nativities have been performed and recorded to go on a secret link to parents, Christmas cards have to be quarantined for two days before they can go out to the children, school has requested parents buy books from an amazon wish list rather than bring in presents for teachers (I would have preferred the chocolates).

But generally life is just a bit quiet, a bit sad. We are trying to follow the rules but now we are beginning to realise what we really loved from the olden days. Chatter in the staff room, escaping the staff you have spent all morning with, group projects, the freedom to teach as you like, warmth, a feeling that things are all ok. And yet we adapt- I am constantly amazed how everyone has adapted to this strange (hopefully) impermanent world.

There we are, something else typed to remind me how it all was. We forget too quickly. I think I have captured the strange feeling of today.